I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
