I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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