He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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