The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize