I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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