It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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