Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
