Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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