Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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