I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
