Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
