Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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