I want to make a zoo with you.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
