I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize