I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
