dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
