I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
how drunk are you?
Several
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
