I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
