My hair reeks of homosexuality.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
