I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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