Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
