You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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