Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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