Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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