Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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