I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
