I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
