I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
