also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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