so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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