i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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