You really coming over, don't trick.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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