At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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