Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
