Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
