if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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