I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
