Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
