No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
