People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize