People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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