What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
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