Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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