Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
