So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
