I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
