I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
