1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
