I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
