So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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