If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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