and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize