he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My penis needs a shock collar
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
