Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
