so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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