I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
