So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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