Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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