You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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