i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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