I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
