I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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