i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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