Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
