my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
