Screwed.edu
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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