I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
