He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
