We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
