then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
