i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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