the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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