your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
