The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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