Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
