Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
