see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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