Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
