I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize