I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
