i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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