Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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