I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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