I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
