I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
