So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
