someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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